Changed But Learned

I have changed greatly since I started this page. Sadly, I have also learned to not turn to people for help, they either don't want to hear it, or they turn around and tell others private conversations. It also causes conflicts and distance. So, I have learned to deal with my emotions alone, but it left me not ever trusting or ever turning to anyone for help! I think Of "I am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel.....

Two years ago today my life turned 360 degrees....."When the Lights go out in the City"

What a Difference!

I haven't blogged in a while. What a difference! Last year at this time, I'd of been broken. The sad, scarey part of it all was I was on antidepressants at that time that were doing me more harm than good!
I've had some set backs as of late, had to get rid of original car, purchase a used one, which broke down and is still broke after supposedly fixed. So am car-less at the moment. My Father has had more memory loss, I went through a rough patch with my daughter, caught a dead mouse ewwww (ha), fighting to finalize divorce with NYS's strict regulations. Reconnected with the one person I have always loved, but distance keeps us apart.

When your suffering from Major Depression, all it takes is one of the above mentioned to set it off. I can honestly say, I'd of more than likely quit my job, cried 24/7 and this would of been my breaking point. 6 1/2 months clean of the meds, I can truly look at these set backs as just that...minor set backs. I will come out of this as things happen and we get through them.

How can an antidepressant cause Major Depression? The FDA, Dr's all need to realize these are not miracle drugs, they can work opposite the serotonin level and cause more damage.

Thank you God for giving me the strength to overcome it all and becoming the woman I was prior to the drugs!

As Time goes by

Time does heal as it's been seven years today that you left me Mom. I will never stop missing or loving you, but I know you are in a better place, and someday we will be together again! I will think and pray for you as I do often. Love you......always

God's gift

As I have grown to who I am, I have learned that money does NOT buy happiness! I am not ashamed to admit the way I live because I have a roof over my head, it may not be a fancy house, but I own it and it is home. I have food on my table, I don't pay for my food, but I am lucky to have food. My car died, so I don't own a car but I have so many loved ones helping me find one, as my mechanic. I may not be married any longer very soon, but I have been given the gift of his friendship and caring and love, which I did not have before. So, yes, I feel very lucky today and very thankful. A cousin wrote me this today:
You can never truly plan your life, can you. Because life just keeps happening, no matter your plans. For me, that truth became personal when mom died. I just figured she would live to 100 as she has longevity in her family. I was not prepared her passing. And I know you weren't prepared for your mom's either. Yet life just continues to march on. I have always thought of you as a strong woman. Really. Look at your beautiful children. Both with strong, moral character. And as kind as anyone could possibly be. They got that from you. God has gifted you and you have used your gifts well.

I am me

I haven't been here in 2 months. Funny how life can change so quickly! I accomplished something I am proud of, well, actually 2 things. I published a book and went off a medicine that made me not me. I can experience happiness again, no longer flat lining as that was how it made me feel.
I made peace with my one true love......no more need be said.
I am happy, I am the person I was born to be, I am me! Thank you God for helping me survive.

Remembrance

911, From ashes we arose, we became united, we fought back, we sought justice and we became PROUD! Thank you to all our service men and women who fight to protect us. Always remember, forgive but never forget! Thinking of all the families who have lost loved ones and to all our firefighters who were there.
God Bless the U.S.A

Enlightening Experience

Went to a food bank with a friend tonight. She asked me to take a number to help her out, which I did. Anyone can go one time, however, the following week, you need to bring proof of household income. There were around 50 people. Each person chooses a ping pong ball out of a bag which contains a number. This is the order you are called to go in and choose your food. I got number 58 and my friend 62, so as I was told, we got the left overs. When it was my turn, I entered with my 2 bags, and volunteers are at each "station" telling people how many of each item they may take. First off, were green peppers(1), bag of 4 potatoes(1), onions but they were gone as were the salad mixes. 2nd station was peaches(2), plums or nectarines(2), 1/4 cantaloupe(1) and bananas(2). 3rd station, radishes, basil, half cabbage(1 of each), 4 apples(1), can of sardines(1), box of macaroni & cheese(1) and tomatoes(2). After that, you are allowed to take one "fresh" dessert(I choose little choc. donut holes) and than the breads, muffins, rolls as many as you feel you can use, they were day old.
Anyhow, I found it enlightening, that people do this for the poor and yet at the same time, with major stores donating It seemed like more non bread/produce items could of been present? Just my opinion.