God's gift

As I have grown to who I am, I have learned that money does NOT buy happiness! I am not ashamed to admit the way I live because I have a roof over my head, it may not be a fancy house, but I own it and it is home. I have food on my table, I don't pay for my food, but I am lucky to have food. My car died, so I don't own a car but I have so many loved ones helping me find one, as my mechanic. I may not be married any longer very soon, but I have been given the gift of his friendship and caring and love, which I did not have before. So, yes, I feel very lucky today and very thankful. A cousin wrote me this today:
You can never truly plan your life, can you. Because life just keeps happening, no matter your plans. For me, that truth became personal when mom died. I just figured she would live to 100 as she has longevity in her family. I was not prepared her passing. And I know you weren't prepared for your mom's either. Yet life just continues to march on. I have always thought of you as a strong woman. Really. Look at your beautiful children. Both with strong, moral character. And as kind as anyone could possibly be. They got that from you. God has gifted you and you have used your gifts well.

Love

Love is so beautiful and comes in so many forms. I oftened wondered after I lost my Mother to Cancer and even my best buddy, "Boomer" why should I love again to only lose it? The loss was so difficult for me, and I have come to realize that when I do love, I truly love, with everything God gave me. This is why the pain is so hard. Even after my husband no longer wanted me and only thought of me as money owed, I could not let go of the love we shared for 28 years, because I had never stopped loving him. I now know, that love has to be twofold to be able to hold onto it. Our love is gone, and even if he felt it left years ago, to myself, it went away just recently.
I am ready to love again. No one wants to be alone, and that is what I am. My tears do not come from my loss any longer, they come for the cry of love. I want to know someone in this world loves me, not just as a supporter, or an object but as someone that will love them back with their whole heart, because when I do love, that is how I do so.